Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
