The maid of honor just puked.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Green mimosas i think yes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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