new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize