i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
