He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
