another moral hangover. fuck.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
