Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
