apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
