Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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