I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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