Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
