well I can't set my house on fire every night
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
