i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
