well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
