Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
