I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
