his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
