24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
