Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
