U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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