when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
