Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
People in love make me want to vomit
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
