theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
