I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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