If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
