Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
