my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Enjoy the penises
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
