so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
