Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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