If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
