Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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