I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
