i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
