i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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