No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think your dad took our porno
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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