He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
