you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
