So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
