If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize