Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
