It's Friday. Sex?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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