there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
bring money and cleavage
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
