im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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