I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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