dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
