well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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