I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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