Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
