Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
