I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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