I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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