Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm both gender and math confused
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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