just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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