I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just invented taco cereal.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
