just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize