I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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