see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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