I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
