Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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