the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
