worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
