I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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