mondays should just be called national damage control day
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
