Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
