Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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