the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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