I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
