umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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