my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
