i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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